Change is never easy, especially when it’s not the kind you choose.
For me, one of the hardest transitions I had to face was separation. Here in the Philippines, where divorce doesn’t legally exist, “moving on” isn’t as simple as walking away. On paper, you’re still bound. In reality, you’re barely surviving.
personal story of change
Living in a marriage that felt like a prison is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. You spend every day trying to survive—physically, emotionally, spiritually. And when you finally gather the courage to escape, you don’t walk away whole. You walk away broken, carrying pieces of yourself you’re still trying to put back together.
And then comes the harsh truth: if you want to be “legally free,” you need around ₱250,000 for an annulment. Imagine surviving hell only to be told freedom has a price tag.
emotional hurdles
The real battle didn’t end when I left. Anxiety clung to me like a shadow. Questions haunted me:
- Will I ever be enough?
- Do I deserve a happy life after this?
- Am I capable of building something better?
These thoughts don’t just disappear. They whisper at night when the house is quiet, when the kids are asleep, when you’re left alone with your fears.
what helped me stay grounded
Whenever the doubts get too loud, I go back to my “why”—my children. They’re the reason I keep fighting, the reason I wake up and choose resilience. Knowing that they need me whole pushes me to keep moving forward, even when I feel like collapsing.
Faith plays a big role too. Talking to God, even in my most unfiltered moments, reminds me I’m not forgotten. That there’s a bigger plan at work, even if I don’t see it yet.
looking back and growing forward
To be honest, I try not to look back too much. The past is heavy, and I don’t want to live there anymore. I focus on moving forward, on building something better day by day.
Do I hope for love again? Yes. But this time, I want love that doesn’t come with chains of fear or judgment. Love that allows me to be free, fully me, scars and all.
I may not have the annulment papers yet, but I hold on to one truth: God loves me. And that love is enough to believe that one day, I’ll have not just legal freedom but also the joy and peace I’ve been longing for.
Until then, I’ll keep thriving through the transitions, one step at a time.
Ettenyl Writes 