I have come to accept that I notice things.
A lot of things.
Sometimes things that nobody else seems to notice.
And before you start thinking, “Ay, eto na. Echosera na naman,” let me clarify.
I don’t observe people because I want to collect gossip.
Okay?
Mostly.
😂
I notice because I’m curious.
I want to understand people.
Why they behave the way they do.
Why someone who seems unfriendly might actually be hurting.
Why someone who seems quiet might have a thousand thoughts running through their head.
Why someone can snap at you one day and be perfectly lovely the next.
The more I pay attention, the more I realize that there is usually a story underneath the behavior.
And sometimes, that story is something we don’t know.
My mom taught me this without realizing it
My mom can be quite masungit when her back hurts.
And honestly?
I understand.
When I don’t feel well, I’m not exactly a ray of sunshine either.
There are days when I get irritable for no apparent reason because I’m tired, uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or simply having one of those days when everything seems to be happening at once.
So when my mom gets snippy because she’s in pain, I’ve learned not to take it personally.
Sometimes people aren’t angry at you.
They’re simply having a difficult day.
Or they’re worried about something.
Or they’re carrying pain you can’t see.
That doesn’t mean we should accept cruel behavior from people.
But it does remind me to pause before judging someone.
Because we rarely know the whole story.
Words matter more than we think
This is probably one of the biggest things I’ve learned from observing people.
You don’t know what someone is already carrying when they meet you.
That cashier who seems distracted?
Maybe she’s exhausted.
The person who didn’t smile back?
Maybe they’re dealing with something you know nothing about.
The colleague who sounded impatient?
Maybe they haven’t slept properly in days.
The stranger who looks like they’re having the worst day ever?
Maybe they actually are.
We don’t have to excuse bad behavior.
But we can choose not to add more hurt to someone else’s day.
Sometimes kindness is as simple as choosing our words carefully.
And sometimes…
It’s choosing not to say the unnecessarily hurtful thing sitting on the tip of our tongue.
That’s harder than it sounds.
Especially when you’re annoyed.
Trust me.
I’ve had to practice.
I notice how my daughters receive love
Some of the things I notice most happen at home.
My daughters still appreciate hugs.
Even my eldest, who is already 19.
And I don’t think she’ll outgrow them anytime soon.
There’s something about being hugged by someone you love that says:
I see you.
You matter.
You are loved.
No speech required.
No inspirational quote necessary.
Just arms around you.
My youngest is the same.
And I’ve noticed something else.
When I cook, even if I’ve made something as simple as an ordinary everyday dish, they eat it without complaining.
Sometimes they’ll tell me they like it.
Sometimes they just quietly eat.
Then I’ll sample it later and think…
Why is this salty?
Or…
Did I just cook something that tastes like the ocean?
😂
And yet they ate it.
I eventually realized why.
They don’t want to disappoint a busy mom who took the time to cook for them.
That is their little way of appreciating the effort.
Those are the things I notice.
Not grand gestures.
Not expensive gifts.
Just little expressions of love that happen quietly in our home.
Lola’s garden has stories too
Then there’s Lola’s garden.
I could probably spend an entire afternoon there simply looking around.
Our newly planted sakura tree has started growing leaves that provide shade not only for us but for many of the plants underneath it.
And those plants repay us with endless colors.
Flowers everywhere.
Different shapes.
Different shades.
Little surprises appearing when you least expect them.
Then there is our constant summer visitor:
A bullfrog.
Yes.
A bullfrog.
Apparently, Lola’s garden is also a seasonal resort.
During the hotter months, this frog occasionally takes refuge there, probably because it has decided that our garden has better accommodations than wherever it normally lives.
I haven’t asked for its opinion.
Yet.
And then there are the crows
The crows fascinate me.
I’ve learned that they’re incredibly intelligent birds.
I watch them sitting on our roof and wonder what they’re thinking.
Are they just resting?
Looking for food?
Checking out the neighborhood?
Discussing their plans for the afternoon?
Who knows?
I’d actually like to befriend one.
I just haven’t figured out how to approach a crow without looking completely ridiculous.
“Hello, Mr. Crow. Would you like to be friends?”
I’m pretty sure that conversation would end with me being ignored.
Or attacked.
Possibly both.
So for now, I observe from a safe distance.
Friendship is a process.
Maybe noticing makes us kinder
The more I observe people, the more careful I become about judging them.
Not perfect.
Definitely not.
I’m still human.
I still get annoyed.
I still have moments when someone does something and my immediate reaction is:
“Seriously?”
But I’m learning to pause.
There might be something I don’t know.
There might be a reason.
There might be pain.
There might be a problem they’re trying to solve.
Or maybe they’re simply having a terrible day.
And maybe I don’t need to make it worse.
I think writers are professional noticers
Maybe that’s what writing has done to me.
It made me pay attention.
To conversations.
To expressions.
To small gestures.
To flowers.
To frogs.
To birds sitting on roofs.
To the way my daughters hug me.
To the way my mom behaves when she’s hurting.
To all the tiny things that would probably disappear into an ordinary day if I didn’t stop long enough to notice them.
And perhaps that’s why I never really run out of things to write about.
Life keeps giving me material.
I just have to pay attention.
Maybe ordinary is enough
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking that I needed interesting experiences to have interesting things to write about.
I’m beginning to think that’s not true.
Maybe the interesting part isn’t what happens.
Maybe it’s what we notice when it happens.
A hug can be ordinary.
A home-cooked meal can be ordinary.
A tree providing shade can be ordinary.
A frog hiding in a garden can be ordinary.
A crow resting on a roof can be ordinary.
But when you stop and really look…
They become little pieces of a life.
Your life.
Maybe that’s what writing has given me.
Not a more interesting life.
A greater appreciation for the life I already have.
And honestly?
I’ll take that.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a crow to befriend.
Apparently, I have a lot of observing left to do. 😂
Discover more from Ettenyl Writes
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
