What observing people taught me about communication
If you ever find yourself having coffee with me in a busy café, don’t be surprised if I suddenly go quiet.
I’m not ignoring you.
I’m probably people-watching.
Not in a creepy “I’m memorizing your license plate” kind of way.
More like…
“I’m fascinated by humans.”
I love watching conversations unfold.
The couple quietly sharing breakfast.
The businessman trying to close a deal.
The little girl negotiating for one more scoop of ice cream with the confidence of a Fortune 500 CEO.
Airports are my favorite.
Everyone is going somewhere.
Everyone has a story.
And for a few hours, hundreds of stories pass right in front of you.
I’ve learned more about communication from simply observing people than I have from many marketing books.
The conversations that never happen
One thing I’ve noticed is this:
People often think they’re communicating.
When they’re actually just taking turns talking.
You’ve probably experienced it.
You finally gather the courage to explain something important.
The other person nods.
Waits politely.
Then responds with what they wanted to say all along.
You leave thinking,
“I don’t think they heard me.”
Being heard is different from being answered.
And that difference changes everything.
Business isn’t that different
This realization followed me into my work.
Many businesses spend hours asking,
“What should we say?”
A better question might be,
“What is our customer trying to say that nobody is hearing?”
There’s a difference.
One starts with the business.
The other starts with people.
Guess which one builds trust.
My favorite seat in any café
If you’ve ever seen me sitting alone by the window, notebook nearby, don’t assume I’m lonely.
I’m probably collecting stories.
Not names.
Not secrets.
Just little observations.
The elderly couple who no longer need many words.
The exhausted parent trying to drink coffee while simultaneously answering twenty-seven questions from a five-year-old.
The barista who somehow remembers everyone’s order before they’ve even reached the counter.
Those moments fascinate me.
Because they remind me that communication isn’t just about words.
It’s in eye contact.
Patience.
Tone.
Timing.
Silence.
Sometimes silence says more than the most carefully crafted sentence.
This changed the way I write
Years ago, I thought good writing meant sounding smart.
Now I think good writing sounds like someone finally understood you.
That’s a very different goal.
Whether I’m writing an essay, helping a client clarify their message, or simply chatting with a friend, I always come back to the same question:
“What does this person need to hear right now?”
Not…
“What do I want to say?”
That small shift changes everything.
We all want the same thing
When you strip away job titles, industries, and backgrounds, most people are looking for the same thing.
To feel understood.
To know someone is genuinely listening.
To believe their story matters.
Maybe that’s why stories work.
They remind us we’re not as different as we think.
The next time you’re in a coffee shop…
Look up from your phone.
Watch people for a few minutes.
Notice how they laugh.
How they comfort someone.
How they celebrate.
How they apologize.
You’ll realize communication has very little to do with perfect words.
And almost everything to do with paying attention.
Maybe that’s why I enjoy writing so much.
Not because I have all the answers.
But because writing has taught me to notice.
And sometimes…
Noticing is the beginning of understanding.
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